Noah James
by GRACE5
Summary: future D/L, 5.09 preview in mind.


"Hey Danny, can you hold down the lab for a little?" Mac questioned as he stood in the doorway to the office.

"Sure boss." He said looking up from his paper work. "What's up?"

"We're going to go see Lindsay and the baby." Mac told him as Stella, Hawkes, Flack, and Adam joined him.

"Sure no problem." Danny said, hiding any emotion from his voice. He gave them all a weak smile as they walked off. He took a deep breath and set his pen down. No one had told him Lindsay had the baby today. He pulled out the sonogram from his desk and a pain settled in his chest, that was worse every time he took a breath. The phone rang, startling him. "Messer."

"Danny I have to autopsy results." Sid's voice came through.

"I'll be right down." Danny said and hung up the phone. He put the sonogram back in his desk and headed for the elevators. "What's up Sid?"

"Heart failure, due to natural causes." Sid said bluntly, pointing to the chest area on the dead man.

"You couldn't of told me that over the phone?" Danny questioned

"I actually wanted to tell you about a study I read on what it means to be a father." Sid said cautiously. Danny just stared back at him.

"And?" Danny asked aggravated.

"Oh, right." Sid said and pulled out a lose leaf piece of paper. "Boys with absent fathers are statistically more likely to be violent, get hurt, get into trouble, do poorly in schools and be members of teenage gangs in adolescence. Fatherless daughters are more likely to have low self-esteem, to have sex before they really want to, get pregnant, be assaulted and not continue their schooling." Sid explained and held his finger up to stop Danny from talking. "And." He continued. "Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers."

"What do you want me to say to that Sid?" Danny questioned throwing his hands up in the air. "I can't be a father."

"Why not?!" Sid yelled, the only time Danny ever heard him yell.

"I couldn't take care of Ruben for a couple hours! How the fuck am I gonna take care of my son for his LIFE." Danny yelled at him, his face turning red with anger. "I can't do it."

"No, you won't." Sid told him. "Fine, Danny, you lived a lonely life before Lindsay, you'll live a lonely life after her."

"You think I don't that? You think I don't still love her with my life? You think I've stopped thinking about her?" Danny barked at him. "You think I don't know she can do better than me, find a better father for her son."

"He's your son too, Danny." Sid told him softly, Danny just looked at him and shook his head.

"I can't do this." Danny said and took a step back.

"Danny, just promise me one thing." Sid told him, stopping him from heading towards the elevator.

"What?" Danny asked.

"Go see him, listen to him breathe, let him hold your finger." Sid said softly as he watched Danny look around the room then back at Sid. "Hold him."

"I can't do that Sid." Danny said as his voice cracked.

"Why?" Sid asked confused.

"Cause I won't be able to leave." Danny told him.

"That's a good thing." Sid told him and watched as Danny turned and walked away towards the elevators.

~Hospital~

Lindsay smiled and said goodbye to everyone as they exited her small hospital room. She looked down at the newborn nestled in her arms and smiled. She adjusted the blue cap on his head and ran her hand down his cheek, causing the baby to turn his head towards her finger.

She smiled and watched her sons eyes wander around the room. Sighing she placed her finger in his palm, and smiled when his fingers closed around hers.

"He's not here." She whispered to the newborn and ran her finger over the brown wisps of hair the peaked out from under the hat. "I don't think he's coming either." The baby made a gurgling sound in response and Lindsay laughed and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Hungry?" Lindsay asked as she adjusted herself and brought him to her breast, after a little fuss he latched on and started to nurse. "I thought so." She said as she watched him.

Danny stood in the door jam and watched as she cradled the newborn. All he could see was a blue cap and a blue blanket. He winced when he heard her words about him not being there. His eyes widened as he saw her take her breast out and offer it to the baby. His heart swelled as he watched her nurse their newborn. Shaking his head he stepped away from the room and went back to the waiting room.

"You look like him a little." She told him as his eyes flicked up towards hers at the sound of her voice. "I bet the older you get the more you'll look like him." She smiled and burped him gently once he finished. "It's not a bad thing, he's quite handsome." She smiled. "I hope you have his eyes, that pretty blue that sparkles." She smiled again and reached at her side for the Yankees pacifier. "He bought this for you." She said and placed the pacifier at his lips, which he took immediately and started sucking.

"Hello Lindsay, how are you doing?" the nurse questioned as she walked into the room with a gentle smile and a cheery voice.

"Good." She said and yawned.

"Time for bed?" she questioned and Lindsay nodded. "I'll take him for you." She said and lifted the newborn from her arms, after she gave him a kiss. "Settled on a name yet?"

"No." Lindsay said frustrated.

"That's okay sweetie, maybe it'll come to you when you wake up." She laughed and looked down at the baby in her arms. "Cute pacifier, I didn't take you for a Yankees fan."

"I'm not." Lindsay laughed. "It's from his father."

"Oh, that was sweet." She laughed and set the newborn in the hospital cradle. "Goodnight."

"Night." Lindsay said.

"Sir can I help you?" a nurse asked Danny as he continued to sit in the waiting room.

"I'm good." Danny said.

"Sir, you can't just sit in the waiting room all day and night." She said sternly causing Danny to look at her.

"I'm thinking." Danny told her in a warning tone. "But you know what? I think I'm good." He said and got up and headed down the hall. He stopped at the door and sighed when he saw the lights were off.

"Can I help you sir?" the same nurse that was with Lindsay earlier, asked.

"I'm looking for my son." Danny said. "Lindsay Monroe's baby."

"What's his name?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I don't know." He said and stuffed his hands in his jean pockets.

"Can you tell me anything that would validate he is your son?" she asked, already knowing he was the father by his uneasiness.

"I bought him a Yankees pacifier, but I don't know if she gave it to him." He said, pleading with his eyes.

"She loves you know." The nurse commented. "She never said one bad thing about you."

"I know." Danny said softly.

"You don't love her?" she questioned aggravated.

"I love her with all my heart." Danny told her, locking her with her.

"So it's the baby?" she questioned narrowing her eyes at him. "You can't punish her because YOU got HER pregnant. It's not her fault and it's not your sons."

"I know! They mean everything to me, that's why I can't be with them. I'll hurt them." Danny said softly, avoiding the women's glare.

"You're hurting them now. She shouldn't have to do this alone, while you get to live your life doing whatever you want, sleeping with whomever you want." She said with an attitude and gave Danny a disgusted look. Danny went to open his mouth but she stopped him. "No, my daughter's father did this. What do you think Lindsay's gonna say when that little boy asks her where his daddy, why his daddy didn't want him? What he did wrong? You, you can't do that to them."

"You don't understand." Danny barked at her.

"Oh no, I understand, something happened and now you go it in your head that they're better off without you. She needs you and your son needs you." She told him and turned and headed towards the nursery, and Danny followed. She turned and pointed to an empty room. "Wait in there."

"Okay." Danny said and entered the room and turned the lights on. He sat in the chair and waited. He jumped when he heard the door open. He gave her a weak smile as she rolled the cradle in front of him. "What's his name?"

"She hasn't chosen yet." The nurse said and turned and left the room.

Danny didn't do anything but look at the newborn and watch his chest rise and fall. He pulled his chair closer and smiled when he saw the pacifier in the baby's mouth. He moved his eyes down to the little hand and reached his finger out and placed it gently against the baby's palm and smiled when his little fingers wrapped around his finger. Danny smiled and kissed the little hand. He'd done his research, he knew babies responded to touch. He moved his other hand and traced it down the baby's cheek, smiling at the soft skin.

"Hi." Danny finally said as he continued to study his son. The pride and love he felt scared him, in a good way. "I'm your Dad." Danny said softly, as he stroked the little fingers wrapped around his pointer with his thumb. "I haven't been around." He continued. "I'm scared, you know? I wasn't necessarily responsible for the death of another boy, but my instincts were wrong. He died." He smiled and took his finger from the baby and reached in and cradled his neck and body and took him into his arms and rested him in the nook of his arm against his chest, then gave his finger back to the baby. "I do love you, I swear." Danny said honestly, he looked down at his son and his heart melted as he yawned and nestled himself closer to Danny's body.

The baby had long fallen asleep but Danny sat there and continued to think. This little boy is what his and Lindsay's love had created. He was his, forever. Forever, it was him and Lindsay now.

"Sir?" the nurse questioned as she opened the door and Danny quick shot her a warning look to be quite. "He needs to be fed."

"Okay." Danny said and looked back down at the sleeping baby and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and nose. He turned and looked back at the nurse confused. "Are you going to take him?"

"No, you are." She demanded as she moved and held the door open. "Come on, Lindsay's waiting."

"Did you tell her?" Danny questioned as he did his best not to jostle the baby.

"And miss the look on her face when she sees you? Hell no." she said and followed Danny out of the room and down to Lindsay's room. "You make this right." She told him as she held the door open.

"Danny?" she questioned as her head slightly dropped forward and her jaw dropped.

"Hi Montana." Danny said as he stood next to her bed.

"What are you doing here? I didn't think you'd come." She said as she continued to gaze at him, surprised and confused.

"Here." Danny said and handed the baby gently off to Lindsay, and pulled a seat up next to her bed.

"Danny?" she questioned again as she ran her finger along the baby's cheek, trying to stir him awake. She smiled when he opened his eyes and started to fuss when she took his pacifier. She glanced over at Danny quickly and arranged herself so she could nurse. "Dan?" she asked again as she looked over to see him in awe.

"What?" he asked moving his eyes back up to hers.

"Why'd you come?" she asked

"I don't want our son to be in gang or be violent." Lindsay narrowed her eyes at him confused. "Sid researched it, and told me. I'm still scared Lindsay."

"I know." She said softly returning her gaze back to the baby.

"How come you're so calm?" he questioned

"I'm not, I'm scared to death, Danny." She told him, looking back at him. "I don't know if I'll be able to do this, but I'm gonna try." She said. "That's not a shot at you, so don't think it is."

"No, I know." Danny said and continued to gaze at her and brought his hand up to his son's clothed head. "What if I told you I changed my mind?"

"I'd tell you you better be damn sure, because you won't be able to change it again." She said sternly but smiling hopefully.

"I'm sure." He said and dropped his hand from the baby's head, got up from his chair and sat on the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he dropped his lips to hers and kissed her softly, pulling back he rested his forehead against hers. "Will you take me back, again?" he asked and placed another gentle kiss to her lips. "Please."

"Give me one reason why." She said as she licked her lips and adjusted the baby.

"Because I love you." He smiled and kissed her nose. "Because I'm your baby's daddy."

"Shut up." Lindsay laughed and burped the baby and tucked herself away. She settled the baby back in her arms and gave him his pacifier back. "What do you think?"

"About what?" Danny asked as he placed his finger back in the baby's palm.

"A name." she stated simply as she watched him and how gentle he was as he stroked the baby's check and fingers.

"Noah James Monroe." Danny said and looked up at her for a reaction, and her face was scrunched up confused. "You don't like it?"

"Monroe?" she asked confused.

"Yeah, isn't that what you want?" he asked

"No. I want Messer." She stated simply and smiled as his eyes lit up. "Noah James Messer."

"Sounds good." Danny said and leaned across the baby and kissed her again.


End file.
